roller coaster ride

Funny sometimes when we are so happy with what we have, and there goes, a steep fall, a swerve to the right, to tell us that, hey, you're not so lucky after all.

I guess it gives me a wake up call when something I have so dreaded has happened. It told me not to take things for granted, and I should be up on-guard at all times. Be prepared for the worst to happen because when it really happens, then at least it is not going to hurt that much.

Sometimes I ask myself, why is it when I am just starting to realise the good things around me, starting to take out some courage to reach out, that I have to be thrown about in this ridiculous roller coaster ride? There I go again, losing my already loose footing in life.

Last night, after a night out to velvet, I came home and I sat in the living room, talking to my housemate. Exasperated, I asked her, 'if tomorrow is going to be a better day, why can't today be a good day?' All I get from her was a tiny note on my desk the next morning, saying, 'dear girl, when times are challenging, be strong and remember all those supporting you. Be happy.'

Tears came to my eyes, feeling grateful that the plunge downwards, the hard swerve to the right, the throwing about in this roller coaster ride, is actually a blessing in disguise. There are actually people who care about me, genuinely. And that is worth more than having hundreds of books in my library or traveling around the world.

I really want to thank her for the wonderful, and powerful note that made me realise, I do have something that I am proud of, my friends. They are really angels sent from above, and I love them. Just being there when I am bruised and beaten, giving me the shove just when I needed it most, or a hug when my materialisitic world is falling around me, is the greatest treasure on earth. I'm rich, I'm lucky, and finally I can say that I wiped off the tears and stand up to face this cruel, cruel world again.

red wine

Red wine. Three nights in a row. 2 bottles.

Wine. January to June. 18 bottles to date.

Plus champagne. 25 bottles.

Add some whiskey. More vodka. 30 bottles.

Some cheese at the side.

A few beers to share the fun. When there's no more wine.

Fine dining at Shangri-La. Another bottle please.

End of this year, a trip to the doctor.

Please don't drink and drive.

Thank YOU

I really needed this 9 days break from work. Although I did not manage to go anywhere because of visa problem, but I am still happy.

I spent about 2 days back in Kuala Lumpur with my family and friends, and I'm glad about that. At least there's some catching up with gossips and shopping!! Hahaha.. my dad said that I had shopped till I dropped in the few days I'm in KL.

I came back to singapore on the eve of my birthday, and nard took me for a nice dinner and arrange a surprise party for me after that. Although it was a small party, but it was really sweet of him. I love the roses and the cake! Muaks.. and to my housemate, I really love that dress!! Didn't know this kind of dress will look good on me.. hahaha.. A big wet kiss for you girls, MUAKS... and the girls night out was fun just now.. can't wait for the next one!

And for all my dear friends around the world, thank you for the phone calls and messages. It was lovely to know that you guys still remember me and my birthday.. and sean, I love that dog, although it's not pretty (just like you! haha)..

I still don't have the pictures of my birthday party, but once I get my hands on it I'll post it up...

P/S: I really love the roses, nard, just can't stop looking at it!

My Dirty Laundry

Almost six months has passed for this year, and a lot of things has not been done. Especially my laundry. I have no idea why there is no way I can finish doing my laundry. It's always there and it's forever piling up, no matter how often I wash them, dry them and iron them. Who created clothes in the first place anyway? I'm happy stark naked.

Or maybe someone should just invent clothes that can clean on its own, or stain free clothes. Now, as I'm writing crap here, the washing machine is working very hard. Half hour from now I will be working hard hanging them up under the sun. And the business of folding and ironing when it's dry later tonight, it's driving me crazy!!

The ordeal of organizing the pile of clothes into light-colored and dark colored, then dumping into the washing machine, taking the washing powder from the cupboard, pouring in the softener, it's hell a lot of work. Maybe I should consider wearing the same clothes over and over again.

That said, I still have to do my laundry. I can hear my washing machine saying 'it's your turn to work now...'

%#@&#!#!

It's time to wake up

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going"

Such cliched phrase, yet it has its own truth.

I have been living in the past for too long. Every time I met someone that does not belong to my current lifestyle, I get that all too familiar feeling. "The good old times", that's what I say, all the time.

I realize it's no use dreaming about the past, about how good it was, about how badly I wanted to go back to the world that I fit into. Where I was the winner, not someone who is struggling in another world. Oh god, how long has it been since I felt good about myself?

I have been depressed, sad and beaten for the longest time... about three years and a half years since the first wave of depression hit me.

Now I tell myself, it's time to wake up. Get on with life and stop whining about how unfair fate is treating me. Now I will pave my own way and I will end up where I belong, once again. This time no matter how hard I fall, I will climb back up again, because I want to be there. I will be there.

Wish me luck!

Now now.. I know most of you are saying, FINALLY!!