Sometimes I realize that i have been asking too much from life.
Just today i was in MPH scouting for some books, then my eyes fell upon this wonderful book, titled "All i want is, EVERYTHING." But of course, I didn't buy the book (I didn't even lift the book up to read what it is all about). I don't think I need the book to remind me just how greedy I am.
Sometimes I just wonder whether I've wondered too much. I think too much about life. I ask too much from life. I want too many things that are unreachable. I basically am too absorbed in my own 'wants', too full of myself, that the world has to revolve around me. Great revelation, huh?
Not that I feel bad about it. But at times I do feel frustrated for not having what I want. Then again, this is being human, right? Not?
Do I really have to lower my expectation just to be happier in life? Do I really have to give up my dreams just because I am no exception in this human race? Why am I crying most of the time thinking that my life is just not good enough, that my life is just not moving forward? Everywhere I look is dead-end. No light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe I just choose not to see it.
Haven't I got a job that allows me to travel the world? And get paid well for it? Haven't I have great friends that I can call my support group if I'm not happy? Haven't I have a supportive family that allows me to do whatever I chose to? Am I not much luckier than most people in this world who has to worry about their next meal? Then why the hell am I complaining so much about my life? Why the f** am I so unhappy and unsatisfied about my job?
I hate being in the condition that I am right now. An old friend that I met up with last nite said that I am no longer the girl he used to know. Where is she anyway? I am asking myself the same question. I've turned into someone who is needy, desperate and pathetic. Someone who desperately need something or someone to cling on just to survive. Lost my identity. Where is a.l.i.c.e? Where the hell is she?
I am so pathetic.
*llorar*
May 10, 2006
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