Greed

Just when I’ve begun to settle down with my so-called ‘new’ and simple lifestyle, I met up with an old friend. After spending a few hours with him, the conversations with him reminded me of how strong-minded I was last time. It also triggered that crazy and giddy greed that once resides in me. The greed for money, status and power that monopolize my life not too long ago, is now slowly resurfacing again. I am beginning to be afraid of myself again. The evil greed that can cause me to trade time for money, friendships for status, and love for power is starting to envelope itself around my cold little heart.

I was actually thinking of returning to my religion, as someone that is devoted to having a peaceful and decent life. But then, the meeting this old friend fires up all the greed I used to harbor inside of me. The greed to be the best and most successful person is so much of a temptation that I am slowly drowned in the giddiness of pursuing it. Betrayal and lies comes together as a package. But I love it. Have I become so obsessed with the need of money, status and power that I no longer care for anything or anyone else?

To have a better lifestyle, to be able to say that I’m moving forward and having more every year, it means to have to win every rat race that is thrown to me all the time. I have to climb every ladder, every mountain that is in my path. I used to tell myself back in those days when the greed was engraved in my heart that ‘there is no where else I want to go but upwards, above everyone else’. There is no space for failure, no time to sit and wail for help. That was exactly what that has happened to me. I have fallen really hard and I have lost the will to stand up and run again. I have chosen the road of just sitting and watching others passes me by.

My dear friend, I could not express more gratitude to you for waking me up. Even though the time spent with you was short, but you have just push me back into the race of greed. It might take me some time to adjust back to the old, harsh me, but I will be back. Even though I am now only kneeling by the roadside, but I am no longer sitting down. One day I’ll be running fast, even faster than you in this rat-race. I will make my come-back so unbelievable that you would have to ‘kutow’ me. Watch out, my old friend, don’t slack in your steps else I’ll be overtaking you.