Walking aimlessly on the streets of London for 4 hours certainly does some good to me.
Wasn't feeling very well earlier today. The company doctor made a house call to the hotel, gave me some medicine, and I went to sleep. Woke up feeling pretty much the same, and something terrible came to mind as well. So I decided to take a walk with a friend of mine who happened to be in London at the same time as me.
The day was looking good when suddenly the rain came pouring down. Huddled together in a corner by the sidewalk, we decided to go to the cafe next door. After our coffee, we went our own ways because he needs to get back to the hotel to get to work.
Left alone, with nothing to do, I decided to take a walk. So I walked, walked, walked. With no particular place in mind, I walked.
During this four hours walk, a lot of things came up in my mind. Passed by a church, made a little prayer, please show me the way to live my life. My mind was asking again and again, where was the girl I used to love? Where is Cassandra? Casey? Cass? The girl that I most revered, was gone the moment that incident happened. It was such a dramatic turning point that when I now looked at it, I am lost for words. Can Cass be brought back to life? Will Cass be able to change things?
As I walked further and further away from the cafe where I splitted up with my friend, the rain started again. Hurriedly looking for shade, Cass' words rang in my ears, "Yennie, why are you running from the rain? What is wrong with walking under the rain? Getting drenched under the rain is perfectly normal. Let's walk under the rain, shall we?" And there was Cass' hand stretched out in front of my eyes.
Most of you will not know who Cass is, but she is someone who is very, very close to me. Some of you might have heard of her, but if not, it is not important. This is just one of those very often rambling thoughts of mine. My close friend for more than 3 years, she is now gone. So fragile are our dreams. Our existence is nothing but a flicker of candle, and yet, we give way to broken dreams.
If given a second chance, I'm not sure if Cass will choose the same path, or will she make another choice? But there is no second chance in life, I must come to terms with that. The only thing that I can do now, is to continue living with her spirit, continuining the once brightly lit candle, bringing all her hopes and dreams to life into this world.
Rest in peace Cass, I will carry your burden now.
Thank YOU, for showing me the way to live by sending Cass.
May 30, 2007
May 26, 2007
Wants and Needs
what you have might not be what you want
what you want might not be what you need
Sounds familiar?
Everyone has different wants and needs. It all depends on how much the wants and needs drive a person to do things in a certain way or direction.
My wants and needs has always been intertwined. I can never recognize which is which. I have always been confused with my wants, thinking it is my needs, or thought that my needs are my wants.
So now I have come to a point where I realised that those things I've driven myself crazy to get, are not exactly the things that I need. Those are things that I want, or perceive to need. Funny how things turn out when I step aside and critically look at my current life.
A lot of things that I fought for, I got it, but now that I have it, I begin to wonder, do I really need it? Or is it just another want in my greedy heart?
Then, there are the things that I am still fighting for. I have not gotten it, but I'm beginning to ask myself, is it worth all the tears and sweat to get it? Do I really want it? Do I need it? Can I live without it?
These questions are driving me crazy, but these are the same issues that are pushing me to work so hard, that really motivates me to keep going, not matter how tough the situations are. The one and only REAL question is, is it really worth all the effort?
what you want might not be what you need
Sounds familiar?
Everyone has different wants and needs. It all depends on how much the wants and needs drive a person to do things in a certain way or direction.
My wants and needs has always been intertwined. I can never recognize which is which. I have always been confused with my wants, thinking it is my needs, or thought that my needs are my wants.
So now I have come to a point where I realised that those things I've driven myself crazy to get, are not exactly the things that I need. Those are things that I want, or perceive to need. Funny how things turn out when I step aside and critically look at my current life.
A lot of things that I fought for, I got it, but now that I have it, I begin to wonder, do I really need it? Or is it just another want in my greedy heart?
Then, there are the things that I am still fighting for. I have not gotten it, but I'm beginning to ask myself, is it worth all the tears and sweat to get it? Do I really want it? Do I need it? Can I live without it?
These questions are driving me crazy, but these are the same issues that are pushing me to work so hard, that really motivates me to keep going, not matter how tough the situations are. The one and only REAL question is, is it really worth all the effort?
An Orange An Apple
I'm sure everyone has eaten oranges and apples before. Sweet or sour, it is all the same oranges and apples. My personal preference, I don't like either because the oranges are too sour to my taste and apples are just too umm.. well, I don't like the taste.
Ever wonder, it takes a sour orange to realise how sweet an apple is? But ultimately, it's two different fruits. It doesn't make sense to compare, and yet we still do. In life it is the same. You know you can't compare the two things, and yet, you still compare. At least, that is the case with me. I'm always looking left and right, up and down, comparing, comparing.
I need to learn, an orange is an orange, apple, an apple. Afterall, there is no use comparing, it's just fruits to help us in constipation, right?
Ever wonder, it takes a sour orange to realise how sweet an apple is? But ultimately, it's two different fruits. It doesn't make sense to compare, and yet we still do. In life it is the same. You know you can't compare the two things, and yet, you still compare. At least, that is the case with me. I'm always looking left and right, up and down, comparing, comparing.
I need to learn, an orange is an orange, apple, an apple. Afterall, there is no use comparing, it's just fruits to help us in constipation, right?
May 25, 2007
Half the year gone... gone... gone...
Goodbye May, Hello June...
Take one deep breath, everyone... And relax... Half the year gone, all of us are so busy, chasing... chasing... chasing time...
I realized that all that I had been doing this year is just running from point A to point B then back to point A, and chasing dreams, dreams that are not really well thought-out. So I told myself that I have been wasting my time doing silly things that really didn't really make my life any better...
Adjusted my priorities, and here I am. Finally blogging after I have been missing for the longest time.
Priority no 1. Stop whining, start living.
Priority no 2. No more complaining, live each day happy and contented.
That's all I want to achieve this year. I have a long way to go, growing up to be a emotionally stable woman.
Wish me luck.
Take one deep breath, everyone... And relax... Half the year gone, all of us are so busy, chasing... chasing... chasing time...
I realized that all that I had been doing this year is just running from point A to point B then back to point A, and chasing dreams, dreams that are not really well thought-out. So I told myself that I have been wasting my time doing silly things that really didn't really make my life any better...
Adjusted my priorities, and here I am. Finally blogging after I have been missing for the longest time.
Priority no 1. Stop whining, start living.
Priority no 2. No more complaining, live each day happy and contented.
That's all I want to achieve this year. I have a long way to go, growing up to be a emotionally stable woman.
Wish me luck.
January 21, 2007
January '07
It's almost the end of the first month of 2007.
Finally I have the time to sit down and rest for awhile.
Let's recap what happened since I last blogged.
Had a wild party at my place on christmas eve. When I say wild, it is wild.
Fell sick for 5days after that. What a way to end my 2006. I even said 'no' to that glass of moet during new year's eve party.
The moment I've recovered, I worked non-stop for the next 15days.
Took one day's break, continue working for the next 7days. (today is the 5th day of that stretch of 7days work).
Going to break for 4days worth of holiday. Hopefully that is going to help me recharge.
So basically, I have no time for anything else but work, not even for my nard.
Sounds fun?
That is the wrap up for what I have been doing since my last post.
I was just going through my blog's previous posts. It seems that a lot has been said, a lot has happened, a lot of thinking has been going on my head.
My blog started off as a site where I write about all my travels, the things I've done at various countries. All the excitement and hype can be felt for the first few months since the blog has started. Slowly, it became a place where I talked about my frustrations of my life, and the events of my life. Then, I try to reignite the site into a space where it talks about travel. After all, that's the main point of starting this blog. Still, it reverted to the topic of me, myself and I.
Perhaps I'm too self-centred to realise till now that all I actually want to talk about is me. All I think about all the time is me, me, me. I have done this, I have not done that. I felt this way, I felt that way. All about me. No wonder no one visits this page anymore.
With that said, now I'm trying to work on posts that are purely about travel. I will try to talk less about myself. Hopefully that way this blog will be a more interesting place. *crosssed my fingers.
Anyways, a belated cheers to 2007.
P.S:maybe a small space for me to talk about myself? (huh?) how's that for a compromise? hahaha...
Finally I have the time to sit down and rest for awhile.
Let's recap what happened since I last blogged.
Had a wild party at my place on christmas eve. When I say wild, it is wild.
Fell sick for 5days after that. What a way to end my 2006. I even said 'no' to that glass of moet during new year's eve party.
The moment I've recovered, I worked non-stop for the next 15days.
Took one day's break, continue working for the next 7days. (today is the 5th day of that stretch of 7days work).
Going to break for 4days worth of holiday. Hopefully that is going to help me recharge.
So basically, I have no time for anything else but work, not even for my nard.
Sounds fun?
That is the wrap up for what I have been doing since my last post.
I was just going through my blog's previous posts. It seems that a lot has been said, a lot has happened, a lot of thinking has been going on my head.
My blog started off as a site where I write about all my travels, the things I've done at various countries. All the excitement and hype can be felt for the first few months since the blog has started. Slowly, it became a place where I talked about my frustrations of my life, and the events of my life. Then, I try to reignite the site into a space where it talks about travel. After all, that's the main point of starting this blog. Still, it reverted to the topic of me, myself and I.
Perhaps I'm too self-centred to realise till now that all I actually want to talk about is me. All I think about all the time is me, me, me. I have done this, I have not done that. I felt this way, I felt that way. All about me. No wonder no one visits this page anymore.
With that said, now I'm trying to work on posts that are purely about travel. I will try to talk less about myself. Hopefully that way this blog will be a more interesting place. *crosssed my fingers.
Anyways, a belated cheers to 2007.
P.S:maybe a small space for me to talk about myself? (huh?) how's that for a compromise? hahaha...
December 30, 2006
Last post of year 2006
This is going to the the final post for this year. Time flies. Not knowing it, there's another year. Before we know it, we're celebrating the coming of year 2007.
I have not been so lucky this last week of 2006. Fallen really sick for the past week, and have been doing nothing else but sleep at home. Not exactly my idea of spending the last week this year, but all's well now. I've recovered (partially- still feeling faint on occasions but that's fine). Tomorrow will be the last day of work before I call an end this year of hardwork. Will work even harder next year. Need more money!! Hahaha...
This year has been a great year for me, despite all the ups and down. Although the times I cried is probably equal to the times I laughed, but all's well. I'm happy this year. Been through so much, things are started to settle down back home, things is Singapore is starting to look friendly. Nothing more that I ask for.
For this year-end wish, I wish that everyone is in great health, and are in the company of loved ones. I realise nothing beats the warmth of the person that you love and who loves you back, knowing you're not alone out there. Appreciate things around you, nothing is going to be there forever. As time goes by, we're all growing older, and hopefully wiser too. Take care everyone, all the best for year 2007...
I have not been so lucky this last week of 2006. Fallen really sick for the past week, and have been doing nothing else but sleep at home. Not exactly my idea of spending the last week this year, but all's well now. I've recovered (partially- still feeling faint on occasions but that's fine). Tomorrow will be the last day of work before I call an end this year of hardwork. Will work even harder next year. Need more money!! Hahaha...
This year has been a great year for me, despite all the ups and down. Although the times I cried is probably equal to the times I laughed, but all's well. I'm happy this year. Been through so much, things are started to settle down back home, things is Singapore is starting to look friendly. Nothing more that I ask for.
For this year-end wish, I wish that everyone is in great health, and are in the company of loved ones. I realise nothing beats the warmth of the person that you love and who loves you back, knowing you're not alone out there. Appreciate things around you, nothing is going to be there forever. As time goes by, we're all growing older, and hopefully wiser too. Take care everyone, all the best for year 2007...
December 11, 2006
Crap Part IV ??
Oh.. oh...
As I was going through my blog, I realised that I've watched 45 movies this year. How the hell did I do that, I have no idea. I didn't even realise I spent so much time in the cinema. But then, why the year coming to an end, I have a really brilliant plan. I will try to watch 50 movies this year. That will be a nice closing to this year. At least I can say that I accomplished something this year. Ha ha...
While I'm typing this, there are so many typing mistakes that I have to keep correcting. If I publish the original post, I don't think I'll be able to understand what I'm trying to say, let alone you who are reading this.
Anyway, I should return to my online game. Too blur to do anything else.
As I was going through my blog, I realised that I've watched 45 movies this year. How the hell did I do that, I have no idea. I didn't even realise I spent so much time in the cinema. But then, why the year coming to an end, I have a really brilliant plan. I will try to watch 50 movies this year. That will be a nice closing to this year. At least I can say that I accomplished something this year. Ha ha...
While I'm typing this, there are so many typing mistakes that I have to keep correcting. If I publish the original post, I don't think I'll be able to understand what I'm trying to say, let alone you who are reading this.
Anyway, I should return to my online game. Too blur to do anything else.
December 03, 2006
Crap Part III
I just got back from two rounds of dinner. Felt that my one hour in gym this evening has gone to waste. Nothing to complain about I guess. The dinners are lovely, had loads of funny kind of meat today, including kangaroo and deer.
Actually, I have thought out what to write about in this post, but somehow, my brain is failing me. I can't remember a single thing, including why I'm writing this in the first place. Probably another piece of crap. Oh dear, oh dear.. have I really run out of things to blog about? Maybe I should just close this blog down, then I don't have to scratch my head everytime my conscience tells me that I have not been blogging often enough.
I got back from my San Francisco (via Hong Kong) trip yesterday afternoon. Nothing much to highlight about, except I managed to meet Kristie in San Francisco! Once I got the photos from my friend, I'll put it up. It was so nice chatting with you, Kristie, it's been so long!! I felt bad because I was so tired the whole time I was there. Sorry, but I will try to go to San Francisco again in January. *cross my fingers!!
Apart from meeting Kristie, I spent a lot on this trip. I just kept buying and buying, till I realised that my hands are tired from carrying the bags that I have been spending too much. Guess I have to live on bread and water for the next two weeks.
I think I need to get my precious beauty sleep now. Tomorrow I need to meet my darling at the airport. Till next time, ciao!
Actually, I have thought out what to write about in this post, but somehow, my brain is failing me. I can't remember a single thing, including why I'm writing this in the first place. Probably another piece of crap. Oh dear, oh dear.. have I really run out of things to blog about? Maybe I should just close this blog down, then I don't have to scratch my head everytime my conscience tells me that I have not been blogging often enough.
I got back from my San Francisco (via Hong Kong) trip yesterday afternoon. Nothing much to highlight about, except I managed to meet Kristie in San Francisco! Once I got the photos from my friend, I'll put it up. It was so nice chatting with you, Kristie, it's been so long!! I felt bad because I was so tired the whole time I was there. Sorry, but I will try to go to San Francisco again in January. *cross my fingers!!
Apart from meeting Kristie, I spent a lot on this trip. I just kept buying and buying, till I realised that my hands are tired from carrying the bags that I have been spending too much. Guess I have to live on bread and water for the next two weeks.
I think I need to get my precious beauty sleep now. Tomorrow I need to meet my darling at the airport. Till next time, ciao!
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