Because of you...

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself

Cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did,

You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you, I am afraid...

A series of conversations. A chain of events. A trail of experiences.

I was digging up some old entries that I wrote few years back in my old website, when I come upon one article that once, used to mean a lot to me. So here I am now, trying to revive the revelation I have found when creating this once new post.

April 20, 2004 - A series of conversation. A chain of events. A trail of experiences.

"Recently, I have been exposed to a new way of looking at things. It was not a great revelation, but it enlightens me all the same.

I am grateful for all the things that happened in my way. Starting from the moment I utter the first word in my life, till right now, this moment. The good, and the bad, I am totally thankful. Without all these things happening to me, I will not understand, I will not learn, I will not appreciate.

On my first day in kindergarden, I would not learn to mix with other kids of the neighbourhood, if my parents did not let go of their hand and push me forward into the classroom. I will not understand the meaning of secrets, until my first friend betray me with her seemingly inability to keep her mouth shut. I will not appreciate the value of friendship until the first friend that asked me how I was doing when I recovered from my sickness.

I will not learn when to say things, and when to be silent when my friends are talking, if quarrels did not exist in my life. I will not understand the power of family warmth, until I came back from my first-ever outing. I will not appreciate life, if all things are never to happen in my life.
All these said, I will not be who I am today, if it is not because of the little things that happened in my life, good AND bad. Here I am now, thanking all those who has come into my life, thanking all the little things that come my way, thanking all the big things too, and thanking all those who allow me to enter their lives.

All things are connected to one another.

Things had happened, big or small, good or bad, either way, it has touched my life in a way I have never known before. "

-A series of converstions. A chain of events. A trail of expriences-

My blog

My conscience has been nagging me for not updating my blog for the longest time. Not that I feel guilty or what, it’s just that I have to blog because it’s time to blog. Please pardon me for this currently crappy blog because I have been overworked by my company and now I’m feeling really tired and shitty.

I just came back from Bombay this morning and I only have about 2 hours sleep before I was waken up by a full bladder and an invitation to join my friends for a chicken rice lunch in Katong. Not that I’m complaining, it’s fun, because I ended up spending half the day in IKEA window shopping. Quite a diversion, huh? Haha..

My Chinese New Year celebration has turned out to be good despite the fact that I was only able to spend about 48 hours with my family. It was all good fun, good laughs, and good time spent. Although I was not able to return home for reunion dinner on the eve, but I could still spend most of my time with my parents. After being away from home for the really first time, I could finally understand what family warmth is. Great experience!

This particular post is supposed to be and update of what I have been doing and where I’ve been for the past one month. So I will try to make a short paragraph for everything worth mentioning. I hope it is not too boring for you.

I was finally being sent to Adelaide! It was a really nice trip because we rented a car (and I drove!!!). So we went around Barossa Valley, spent some time in Rundall mall and Glenelg Beach. Met up with a friend and this was nice because he managed to show us around. (but at the end of the trip, my bank account was drained because of the car! Ugh.. hahaha)

Oh, last but not least, about my dreams. Recently I have been having really weird dreams that absolutely nothing to do with real life or what I am doing at all. One particular dream is so funny that I should just post it here.

“I dreamt that one day I woke up in the morning and found out that Singapore has been bombed by the USA, and we have to take refuge in Iraq in a fighter plane. Later during the flight of the plane, I meet with a guy who can actually speak the ‘fish’ language. When we arrived in Iraq, we found out that the Iraqi king has apparently been working the fish overtime, and the fishes are underpaid. These are translated by the guy to me because I saw him talking to the fish by scooping waters to his ears. Then wanted to investigate the truth because we wanted to fight for the fishes’ rights, we turned invisible and entered the Iraqi king’s palace. Halfway through the hall, the king ran amok and threw a glass to the floor. Unfortunately, the glass hit us and we are not invisible anymore. The king saw us and sent his army after us. Running down the stairs of the palace we passed by fishes that has been helplessly smashed into curry powder by the cruel king, then, *snap* I awoke from my dream”

I realize that this dream is absolute nonsense. But none the less, I think I’m turning my blog into a blog full of crap and shit. Well, is it a time for a makeover (again)?

Happy Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!! Let's welcome the year of the Dog into our lives with good wishes and best of hopes!!

Unlike the 'english' new year, for Lunar New year, we will never say that we are making resolutions, or starting a new life. We will more likely talk about the preparations to welcome the lunar new year, the reunion dinners, the redpackets and meeting up with relatives and visiting one another.

As for this year, it will be the same as any other year for me, except that I am unable to be back for reunion dinner and I can only be back home for the first day of lunar new year. On the second day I would have to go back to work. So my friends, please forgive me for my inability to go around visiting the few of you. Maybe next year. Haha..

As the fengshui masters said, this year will be a good year for most of us. So let's just make use of this opportunity to make the best out of this year 2006 and the year of dog. I know I will do so. Haha..

P.S. Don't forget to collect a lot of angpaus!!

Greed

Just when I’ve begun to settle down with my so-called ‘new’ and simple lifestyle, I met up with an old friend. After spending a few hours with him, the conversations with him reminded me of how strong-minded I was last time. It also triggered that crazy and giddy greed that once resides in me. The greed for money, status and power that monopolize my life not too long ago, is now slowly resurfacing again. I am beginning to be afraid of myself again. The evil greed that can cause me to trade time for money, friendships for status, and love for power is starting to envelope itself around my cold little heart.

I was actually thinking of returning to my religion, as someone that is devoted to having a peaceful and decent life. But then, the meeting this old friend fires up all the greed I used to harbor inside of me. The greed to be the best and most successful person is so much of a temptation that I am slowly drowned in the giddiness of pursuing it. Betrayal and lies comes together as a package. But I love it. Have I become so obsessed with the need of money, status and power that I no longer care for anything or anyone else?

To have a better lifestyle, to be able to say that I’m moving forward and having more every year, it means to have to win every rat race that is thrown to me all the time. I have to climb every ladder, every mountain that is in my path. I used to tell myself back in those days when the greed was engraved in my heart that ‘there is no where else I want to go but upwards, above everyone else’. There is no space for failure, no time to sit and wail for help. That was exactly what that has happened to me. I have fallen really hard and I have lost the will to stand up and run again. I have chosen the road of just sitting and watching others passes me by.

My dear friend, I could not express more gratitude to you for waking me up. Even though the time spent with you was short, but you have just push me back into the race of greed. It might take me some time to adjust back to the old, harsh me, but I will be back. Even though I am now only kneeling by the roadside, but I am no longer sitting down. One day I’ll be running fast, even faster than you in this rat-race. I will make my come-back so unbelievable that you would have to ‘kutow’ me. Watch out, my old friend, don’t slack in your steps else I’ll be overtaking you.

London

This should be a really really short post. I have another hour to go before rushing to the airport to catch the plane back to KL. Just got back from London an hour ago. Not too bad, but cold and tiring.

The hotel that I stayed in London is really, really cool. Not much time to really elaborate much. Please feast your eyes on the pictures.

Cheers!~

Phuket 2005

Recently I have been engrossed with my photoshop application. I wonder what's happened to me. But anyway, let's not stray from the main subject.

I went to phuket for four days before christmas. We had so much fun just by doing silly things and walking the streets looking at 'girls'. But the weather was not really good on the second day, because the sea was so rough, the wind was too strong for us to go snorkeling. So we ended paying about 200 ringgit for 30mins of snorkelling and bumping in the speedboat trying to get to the next island the whole day. What a waste. But better than none.

The photos are roughly the summary of what we've done there. Nothing much, just feel like compiling them and stretching my photoshop skills a little bit. (I know I still need to improve my design skill..) FYI, the guns we're holding are real guns. I dun remember what model joshua is holding, but mine is a .42 (or was it .46?) caliber (if i'm not wrong). Shooting was fun. With my lousy eyesight I only managed to get 8 out of 100 points. Haha..

Next destination, Gold Coast, babe?

Happy 2006

First day of the year!!

Happy New Year!


Hugs and kisses!! May this year be another year of endless blessings for everyone!!

Yesterday I have the privilege of being one of the few who celebrated 2006 ahead of everyone else in the world. I celebrated my new year in christchurch. Some of you might have noticed the early messages I sent to you guys earlier that day. :)

That said, I just want to wish everyone a great year ahead!!

Love y'all!!