A walk in London

Walking aimlessly on the streets of London for 4 hours certainly does some good to me.

Wasn't feeling very well earlier today. The company doctor made a house call to the hotel, gave me some medicine, and I went to sleep. Woke up feeling pretty much the same, and something terrible came to mind as well. So I decided to take a walk with a friend of mine who happened to be in London at the same time as me.

The day was looking good when suddenly the rain came pouring down. Huddled together in a corner by the sidewalk, we decided to go to the cafe next door. After our coffee, we went our own ways because he needs to get back to the hotel to get to work.

Left alone, with nothing to do, I decided to take a walk. So I walked, walked, walked. With no particular place in mind, I walked.

During this four hours walk, a lot of things came up in my mind. Passed by a church, made a little prayer, please show me the way to live my life. My mind was asking again and again, where was the girl I used to love? Where is Cassandra? Casey? Cass? The girl that I most revered, was gone the moment that incident happened. It was such a dramatic turning point that when I now looked at it, I am lost for words. Can Cass be brought back to life? Will Cass be able to change things?

As I walked further and further away from the cafe where I splitted up with my friend, the rain started again. Hurriedly looking for shade, Cass' words rang in my ears, "Yennie, why are you running from the rain? What is wrong with walking under the rain? Getting drenched under the rain is perfectly normal. Let's walk under the rain, shall we?" And there was Cass' hand stretched out in front of my eyes.

Most of you will not know who Cass is, but she is someone who is very, very close to me. Some of you might have heard of her, but if not, it is not important. This is just one of those very often rambling thoughts of mine. My close friend for more than 3 years, she is now gone. So fragile are our dreams. Our existence is nothing but a flicker of candle, and yet, we give way to broken dreams.

If given a second chance, I'm not sure if Cass will choose the same path, or will she make another choice? But there is no second chance in life, I must come to terms with that. The only thing that I can do now, is to continue living with her spirit, continuining the once brightly lit candle, bringing all her hopes and dreams to life into this world.

Rest in peace Cass, I will carry your burden now.

Thank YOU, for showing me the way to live by sending Cass.

Wants and Needs

what you have might not be what you want
what you want might not be what you need

Sounds familiar?
Everyone has different wants and needs. It all depends on how much the wants and needs drive a person to do things in a certain way or direction.

My wants and needs has always been intertwined. I can never recognize which is which. I have always been confused with my wants, thinking it is my needs, or thought that my needs are my wants.

So now I have come to a point where I realised that those things I've driven myself crazy to get, are not exactly the things that I need. Those are things that I want, or perceive to need. Funny how things turn out when I step aside and critically look at my current life.

A lot of things that I fought for, I got it, but now that I have it, I begin to wonder, do I really need it? Or is it just another want in my greedy heart?

Then, there are the things that I am still fighting for. I have not gotten it, but I'm beginning to ask myself, is it worth all the tears and sweat to get it? Do I really want it? Do I need it? Can I live without it?

These questions are driving me crazy, but these are the same issues that are pushing me to work so hard, that really motivates me to keep going, not matter how tough the situations are. The one and only REAL question is, is it really worth all the effort?

An Orange An Apple

I'm sure everyone has eaten oranges and apples before. Sweet or sour, it is all the same oranges and apples. My personal preference, I don't like either because the oranges are too sour to my taste and apples are just too umm.. well, I don't like the taste.

Ever wonder, it takes a sour orange to realise how sweet an apple is? But ultimately, it's two different fruits. It doesn't make sense to compare, and yet we still do. In life it is the same. You know you can't compare the two things, and yet, you still compare. At least, that is the case with me. I'm always looking left and right, up and down, comparing, comparing.

I need to learn, an orange is an orange, apple, an apple. Afterall, there is no use comparing, it's just fruits to help us in constipation, right?

Half the year gone... gone... gone...

Goodbye May, Hello June...

Take one deep breath, everyone... And relax... Half the year gone, all of us are so busy, chasing... chasing... chasing time...

I realized that all that I had been doing this year is just running from point A to point B then back to point A, and chasing dreams, dreams that are not really well thought-out. So I told myself that I have been wasting my time doing silly things that really didn't really make my life any better...

Adjusted my priorities, and here I am. Finally blogging after I have been missing for the longest time.

Priority no 1. Stop whining, start living.
Priority no 2. No more complaining, live each day happy and contented.

That's all I want to achieve this year. I have a long way to go, growing up to be a emotionally stable woman.

Wish me luck.